By Bernice Loi, Graduating Senior
During her years in Rampage, Loi was the Co-Editor-in-Chief and News
Editor. In the fall, she will major in Liberal Studies at Cal State Long Beach..
Growing up, I was taught to be ambitious. I can’t recall a moment in my childhood where I felt that I lacked purpose. Even when I lost direction at times, it never took long for me to find my way again. The expectations set by my classmates, role models and most importantly myself pressured me to keep up with them and stay motivated. Although I admire my determination to do well, I realize that I’m never satisfied with myself unless I strive for more.
I would consider myself as a future-oriented person. I have an unhealthy tendency to focus on what “could be” rather than where everything already is. At times, it’s good to see potential in myself and others because it shows that I see value in what I spend my time on; but honestly, it’s exhausting. Dedicating my all to extracurriculars, relationships and passions doesn’t always pay off. I’ve given up on so many goals after losing sight of what they would bring to my future. I scrapped two novels halfway through writing them because I knew the end results wouldn’t make me happy, dropped friends who didn’t support my ambitions and so on. Although this mindset shaped me into the person I am today, this kind of decision-making was damaging to me and the people I care about. Being obsessed with controlling my future made me miss out on taking the time to be retrospective.
Now that I’ve made it to the end of high school, I’m having a difficult time processing my years in TC. The end of senior year usually calls for a time of deep self-reflection and nostalgia over the memories we made here, so I expected myself to be at least a little sentimental of the past. Still, the only thing I can say about my high school experience is “What was that?” It flashed by in a blur, all because I was too focused on moving forward.
I like to think that I live without any regrets, hence why I’m not too hard on myself for my past actions. Maybe I should’ve participated more in school events to be more active in my community, or maybe I’d have a perfect GPA if I was more careful during tests. There are better decisions I could’ve made, but that’s all in the past. It’s more important to work on applying the lessons I learned along the way to my journey onward. Life’s too short to worry about what I can’t change.
All that matters is living in the moment—not in the past or in the future. I spent so much time attempting to make everything perfect for my future at the cost of being miserable in the present. Why put so much emphasis on being satisfied in the future when I can seek happiness where I am now? Whatever happens, happens; the thrill in that kind of unpredictability can be exciting. It’s easy to forget to enjoy yourself when you’re forced to plan your future and do well in your academics in high school.
Remember how you got here and how your experience will help you grow. Try not to spend too much time regretting certain parts in your past or worrying about the path ahead. Instead, be proud of how far you’ve come.