Consumed by anger, a student shoves his girlfriend against the wall, screaming hurtful words at her. To respect the student’s privacy, Rampage will not be using her name, but she is currently a sophomore. She was terrified, having never seen his hateful side. Months afterwards, she tried to escape this violent relationship as the abuse never stopped.
“This is about where I knew it needed to end,” the sophomore said. “Afterwards, he would harass me in the hallways. He used to know my entire schedule and wait for me outside my classes.”
The student felt alone, but when she was finally able to leave the relationship, she found an overwhelming amount of support from her friends.
“It took me a little while to understand that I had self-worth,” the sophomore said. “It was just a lot of psychological trauma that I had to go through, and I had to understand that it wasn’t my fault.”
There are different types of abuse that make it difficult for victims to realize how they’re being treated is wrong. Physical abuse is often times easier to recognize, but verbal abuse, which includes constantly putting one’s partner down using derogatory names, can be overlooked. Both physical and verbal abuse damage the victim’s mental health.
“If you’re in a relationship where you don’t think something is right, try to stop and ask yourself if you would want someone that you love, like a sibling, to stay in that same relationship,” Teen Living teacher Leila Herman said. “If it’s not good for them, it’s not good for you either.”
Often times, it is difficult to recognize the signs of abuse when the person one loves continues to hurt them. Relationship abuse victims tend to make up excuses for their partner out of loyalty and compassion, unfortunately ignoring red flags that may appear.
“Some red flags are your partner telling you how to dress, or who to hang out with,” Herman said. “In some instances, they’ll do things to isolate you from people who actually care about you.”
It’s also important to recognize that one’s abusive behavior towards their partner can be a result of abuse itself.
“One thing that may put a student at risk is what they see at home,” counselor Deanne Sciarrotta said. “For example, if their parent or someone close to them is involved in an abusive relationship, and that hasn’t ever been called an abusive relationship, they may think that some of those behaviors are normal.”
Once the signs of abuse are recognized, the next step is to reach out to people one knows and trusts to tell them what is happening.
“I’ve had students be really angry with me when I had to report to Social Services or parents,” Sciarrotta said. “Initially, it’s because they think it’s going to make the matter worse. But then a lot of those same students that have been really angry have come back later to say thank you because bringing in outside services actually made the situation better.”
In addition to seeing school counselors, resources, such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1(800) 799-7233, are available to abuse victims who don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person. Websites such as loveisrespect.org offer quizzes that can help identify the red flags that indicate an abusive relationship, and the myPlan app provides resources for any concerns regarding domestic abuse.
“You have to understand that you don’t deserve to be treated like that,” the sophomore said. “You could do so much better without them. It’s a bigger world, it’s a more loving world, without that person in your life.”
TCHS School Newspaper