Students embrace hazardous track

For years, students have complained about the quality of the track, and have made it clear that they want an upgrade.
However, many students have recently ceased their whining after stating their newfound appreciation for the dirt path. The change came immediately after an inspirational TED Talk shown during a recent assembly.
“I’ve never been so eager to run on the track,” said Senior Craw Scuntry. “Before, I’d always be bugged by the small pebbles and rocks that I’d hit with my toes and trip over while running. Now, I think of them as another important building block in my training.”
The TED Talk focused on why students should be happy to be bloody and dirty while working out on the track.
“People in today’s society try far too hard to stay clean and safe,” said Speaker Ig Norance. “They’re not focusing on what’s really important to humans. Our primitive ancestors, who were much stronger than us, were scrappy and filthy; they were symbols of power and strength, which athletes should have.”
With winter rains coming soon, students are now looking forward to exercising on the muddy track.
“Pouring rain and slippery grounds help me feel most comfortable during races,” said Sophomore Kay O. Tic. “Even though it’s an injury waiting to happen, I wouldn’t want to run on any other track.”
Due to the positive response from students, the district has no plans for upgrading the track in the next one hundred years.
“For so long, I’ve despised the track,” said Junior Sprin Ting. “Now, I appreciate the track and all its safety hazards. I hope the ideal rubber track never gets built on campus.”