Nowadays, too often does the media blatantly refuse to report on tragedies that occur in America, such as Kellyanne Conway’s Bowling Green Massacre.
This horrendous tragedy tore numerous families apart, making it the only stain on the unsoiled history of America. Some nonexistent years ago, two individuals (obviously terrorists) wreaked havoc on the unsuspecting settlement of Bowling Green, Ohio with water gun pistols of death.
These terrorists were last spotted chewing cinnamon gum, which, due to their violent nature, closely resembled White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer and White House Chief Strategist Steve Bannon.
Upon arriving at the city, the two evildoers began firing at residents, and one by one, victims began to shrivel up due to the sudden exposure of hydration to their dry skin, which was a result of many long months toiling under the brutal Ohio sun.
As citizen by citizen melted away, the two terrorists turned their weapons of mass destruction upon themselves, and in a final act of twisted bravado, pulled the trigger on themselves so that they too, began to disintegrate into nothingness. In the end, it was as if they never existed.
In honor of the 0th anniversary of the Bowling Green Massacre, grocery stores across the nation will be adding a new genetically modified vegetable, the bowling green, to their shelves on Feb. 30. It can be found alongside the new mandatory Ivanka Trump clothing line.
TCHS School Newspaper