Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been heavily influenced by the opinions of those around me.
I remember coming home, going straight to my room, and crying on a regular basis because someone called me fat or said I was annoying, or some other horrible thing to say to a child. To handle the bullying, I decided that the easiest way was to simply change myself and my personality to fit whatever people wanted me to be.
I was somewhat aware of what I was doing, but I never really realized it until I started high school. Since I was a transfer student, I didn’t have any friends. I definitely didn’t want a repeat of elementary or middle school so I immediately started trying to get people to like me. I would go way out of my way to dress nice every day, be as polite and cheery as possible, and a bunch of other ridiculous stuff that took way too much energy.
Eventually, it started working. I was a lot more likeable and I made tons of new friends. I worked hard to change myself and change other people’s opinions of me for the better, and it was finally working.The problem was, I wasn’t really happy. The more time and energy I spent trying to get people to like me, the worse I felt.
Slowly, however, I became more and more selfish. Not in the way that I stopped giving homeless people money or refused to share food or anything, but in the way that I began doing more things for myself because I wanted to.
Maybe it was the stress of sophomore and junior year that forced me to let go of some of my inhibitions or maybe I was just tired of creating a more pleasant but artificial personality every day, but I started to care less what people had to say about me.
At the end of junior year, I decided to try out for ASB. I love to talk and the position of Assemblies Commissioner seemed like a pretty cool job. Looking back now, I can honestly say that it was one of the best decisions I’ve made in high school. I got to talk a lot, make people laugh, and bring my ideas to life. Though these perks were pretty swag, the best thing I got from it was confidence.
I learned to have confidence in myself and my abilities as well as my convictions. I suddenly found myself not worrying about what someone might think of my life and focusing more on how I could achieve my own happiness.
As a result, I was much more satisfied with the person that I had grown into. I know it sounds super cheesy and every motivational speaker will tell you this, but you really should try to be yourself. I guarantee that no amount of accolades will make you happy if you can’t be or do what you want.
Even with my newfound confidence, I still struggle with blocking out the haters every now and then. I’ve found myself instinctively yanking my hand out of my boyfriend’s while we’re just walking down the street and I still refer to him as my “girlfriend” all the time for fear of being judged. I now realize that although bewildered and disgusted stares from random adults and the occasional slur are never fun, having to constantly hide such a big part of myself sucks way more.
It’s natural to wonder what people think of you. As social creatures, it’s normal for us to seek acceptance. Though accolades and tons of friends are great perks of pleasing others, it’s far more rewarding to realize that you’re really being true to yourself.
Since I’ve decided to be myself, I’ve noticed a huge increase in my own happiness. I no longer rely so much on others for my own self-confidence and my own self-worth.
It’s not that I never wonder whether if people like me or not, I just don’t really care what the answer might be anymore.
