I’m not fond of saying goodbyes. But as these last few days dwindle down to an eventual close, I know that I must do what I hate the most. There is no perfect high school journey, but the beauty lies in every single one of these imperfections.
You don’t instantaneously transform from a bespectacled wallflower into a self-assured, bootylicious queen bee—believe me, I definitely haven’t reached that level. But to be someone that others respect takes countless disappointments, struggles and failures to achieve. And even then, you might not even end up marginally close to where you aimed for in the beginning.
These past few years have totaled a multitude of learning lessons and learning to take pride in who I am has been one of the most difficult. As a new student at Oak Avenue, transferring from a private school system into the foreign jungle of public school was more than eye-opening. It was petrifying.
Cliques that had already spun their own tight-knit circles carried over from elementary schools, and I soon became familiar with that exclusive concept. It was not a concept that I particularly liked, to say the least.
As sad as it sounds, I remember burying myself in an endless stream of novels in order to fill the void that came with this drastic change. I wished that I could somehow transfer the lives I found in these stories into my own. I didn’t know who I was, drifting in the days where I would go home feeling alone and lost. In all honesty, I could not say that I was remotely proud, or even happy, with who I was.
We’re all strangers at some point, but I had never felt more so than in those low moments of my life. There is no equivalent feeling, and it didn’t help matters much that I wasn’t naturally outgoing or bold. Gone was the safety net that I had grown accustomed to during my years in the tiny private school I had called home.
It wasn’t until high school that I started to discover the extent of my own capabilities. I joined the tennis team, tried out for Rampage and became a member of the Peer Listener Program, Class Council and the American Cancer Society Club during my first two years. However, I still had not fully accepted my own self-worth despite my accomplishments, and underneath that smiley exterior remained the same old insecurities.
This self-doubt hit me the hardest when I was a contestant in the Miss Temple City Pageant my junior year. Through this experience, I learned the tough way how the real world works.
Let’s just say that life as a princess isn’t all pixie dust and sparkling crowns. Without a doubt, you will be judged based on how you look no matter where you go. This will never change, and it definitely doesn’t make life any easier. Despite how painful these facts of life seemed, I had to come to terms with them on my own. No one was going to hold my hand and justify the unfairness of it all for me.
Then, it hit me: I had lost myself along the way. Was I even happy with myself? I was trying so hard to impress others that I didn’t think it was important to impress myself. As a people-pleaser, this realization didn’t come without a struggle. What I had forgotten, even more importantly, was that I could always find myself with the people I love.
I would not be writing these words without the encouragement, support and unconditional love from the ones I can genuinely call family. My loved ones have been my constant source of unwavering acceptance, especially during the times I needed to feel it most. You are never truly alone, even if everything in your life points to that singular notion.
Sure, I’m not the same person I was six years ago, or even yesterday, but I have learned to be proud of who that friendless girl was because she has helped me become who I am.
TCHS School Newspaper