Most people discover that they have one or two cavities during their annual and perhaps dreaded visit to their dentists, but not me. I usually have the pleasure of coming to a grand total of at least five of those nasty little monsters. And just to clarify, I don’t have disgusting oral hygiene habits. In fact, I floss multiple times a day, brush my teeth for the recommended two minutes or more and even use one of those hardcore electric brushes that really grind your teeth and get into those tough to reach spaces.
During my semi-annual appointment three months ago, which came after a lengthy trip to Taiwan, I found that I had an astounding number of cavities, a number that I’d rather not disclose publicly. Yes, it was that bad. And it resulted in a seemingly endless stream of more dentist visits to drill and fill those bad boys up, many of which were extremely painful to fix and required actual shots of anesthesia.
Meanwhile, my brother lounged around and carelessly neglected to brush his teeth at times for the entirety of the summer and still got away with one, tiny cavity, maintaining his mouthful of nearly perfect pearly whites. Where’s the justice in that?
My dentist says that some people have a genetic predisposition to tooth decay, but it feels more as if I’ve hit the genetic jackpot, won the Mega Millions of cavities and picked every winning lotto ball for the past 17 years. And to put the icing on the cake, my two front teeth, the two most visible ones in my entire mouth, have extremely short roots, so short that in a few years or so they’ll need to be removed and replaced with implants.
But, you know what? Despite the fact that the inside of my mouth looks like a 1940s noir film and I’ll need to get implants before I’m middle-aged, there’s always a silver lining, even in this situation. I plan on getting some bling in the future, a.k.a. gold fillings for my future cavities and be fancy like I’ve always wanted to be. Most rappers only have gold grills, but I’ll have actual gold embedded in my teeth, more expensive, brighter and stronger, albeit fake, teeth.
So no matter what kind of cards life deals you, remember to try and smile as brightly as you can, even if your teeth suck, like mine, because you can always get new gold ones.
TCHS School Newspaper