By Humphrey Lin
Editor-in-Chief
During the American Civil War, the U.S. government issued a paper currency colloquially known as “greenbacks.” Ever since, the green complexion of the American bill has remained a prominent and culturally significant feature of U.S. currency.
Those who know me know that I come from a mythical, faraway land known as Neverland, or by its 
alias, Canada. In Neverland, five dollar bills are blue, 10 dollar ones are purple, 20 dollars green, 50 dollars red and 100 dollars brown. Although many of my American friends, upon discovering this fact, instantly dubbed Canadian bills “clown money,” colored bills present two significant advantages: they are easily identifiable and harder to counterfeit. Just about every other country in the developed world have jumped on this bandwagon, but America, being the hipster of the world, just refuses to change.
Well, I guess having an all-green currency does have its upsides. First of all, it’s great for magic tricks. Thanks to the virtually identical hue of all the bills, transforming a one dollar bill into a Benjamin is more realistic. Secondly, the art of deception has never been easier. A Discovery Channel feature on con men enlightened me on how to fold a $10 to look like a $100. And you don’t even need to change the color!
Ok, but all joking aside, I really think that having all of your nation’s bills the same color is rather inconvenient. Countless times I have rummaged through my wallet, thick with ones, for that elusive master of camouflage, the $20 bill. And on more than one occasion, I noticed too late that the hotdog guy gave me a $5 bill as change instead of a $10.
Well, after all is said and done, the inconveniences that the greenbacks cause are grossly insignificant. However, America’s hipster attitude extends beyond the boundaries of annoying currency. While the rest of the world has gladly adopted the metric system, based on the convenient multiple of 10, the United States has obstinately stuck with the ironically named “standard” system. Twelve inches in a foot, three feet in a yard, 1760 yards in a mile. Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, eh? And I can never remember how many ounces are in a pound or even what the heck a quart of water looks like.
Don’t get me wrong, I love America. In-N-Out was the best thing that ever happened to me, and whoever thought that fried chicken and waffles would taste good together is a genius. But seriously, America, you’re already a superpower. You don’t need to establish your superiority (or hipness) by defying what the rest of the world has already deemed convenient.