Dressed in fur-lined booties, bejeweled sunglasses and a blindingly pink tracksuit, the chihuahua kept a low profile, keeping his eyes fixated on the concrete below to avoid the humans’ coos of “sweetie pie” and “cutie patootie.” He could feel the judgment emanating from the cocker spaniel a few feet away and tried to walk faster, but the booties only permitted him to go so quickly. He nipped mournfully at his Juicy Couture one-piece suit and trudged on, thinking to himself, “what did I do to deserve this?”
Sadly, this picture of despair is a reality for many dogs and cats in the world today, with their overzealous owners taking the misguided initiative to dress up their pets in ridiculous costumes. Granted, if you have a tiny, hairless Chinese crested dog and live in Siberia, then please, by all means, clothe him. But if not, you might want to think again before purchasing the latest Vivienne Westwood dress for your poor pooch Paris.
Contrary to popular belief, there is no direct correlation between the cuteness of a dog and its happiness, and even less so when its owner is the one stuffing it into a tutu. Dogs are proud nudists, and shirts only serve as barriers from nature’s joys, restricting them from their canine pleasures. Throughout history, we’ve subjected dogs to a number of indignities, from harnessing them to pull our sleighs and parading them through humiliating shows, but this is the last straw.
No more should these descendants of wolves have to tolerate man’s obnoxious urge to dress them in clown and smurf costumes. How much more humiliation will they have to endure? Stand up for the doberman with the fairy wings and the shih tzu in the Snooki costume. Dogs shower us with unconditional love, and people should reciprocate their feelings in a way that doesn’t betray your deep, underlying psychological issues. Buy your precious pet some bacon treats or a bone, just stay away from that cupid costume you’ve bought him for Valentine’s Day.