By Kimberly Chen
Graduating Senior
As a disclaimer, I am actually not an extreme patriot. This image is intended to be a comedic addition with no relevance or relationship to the article below. I do not condone the idolization of any respective nation.
Throughout my life I’ve struggled with trying to find my place in the world. Yet, as my high school experience comes to an end, I’m realizing that these futile attempts to make myself stand out prevents me from seeing what truly makes me worthy.
Growing up, I’ve heard time and time again how every single person had that one thing that made them special. Be it a talent, a passion or singular trait, somehow everyone could reveal something about themselves that made them unique. Yet, I found that there was nothing about me that could define me beyond mediocre.
I joined groups and participated in activities that never resonated with me in a desperate attempt to find a talent that would finally make me shine. In fact, the reason I joined Rampage was to prove that I had the ability to write well, but even here I came to the realization that writing could never be the skill that defined me.
I felt jealousy morph into resentment for myself as I watched the people around me be praised and acknowledged for things that made them so amazing. I couldn’t handle the idea that they had something to show for themselves and I didn’t no matter how proud of them I was.
So I tried to overcompensate. I put all of my meager confidence into my ability to be funny, charming or approachable. I was worthless if people didn’t laugh at what I say or if I left the wrong impression on someone. After all, if I didn’t have anything to show for myself, what’s stopping everyone from leaving me for more interesting people?
However, as I grow older, my feelings on my mediocrity changes. There are over 8 billion people on Earth, many of which lead completely average lives. Were their experiences worth nothing? Is their laughter worth nothing just because they haven’t done anything “exceptional”?
I’ve changed as I went through high school. My sense of humor, my way of speaking, my wardrobe, my relationships, my work ethic and my perspectives on life all morphed and transformed as I experienced high school. Those aspects of me are enough to make me a worthy, nuanced person deserving of any kind of existence I choose to lead.
Accepting the extent of who I am allows me to find value in things beyond uniqueness. I’m grateful I didn’t focus all my energy into studying to act like I was some uber-intelligent student, or practiced for hours on end for something I never truly cared for, like the piano. Instead, I can place my effort in finding the small joys throughout the day. I love my chipped nails, I love the sound of birds singing in the morning, I love the taste of hot pizza with my friends, I love the silence of free time, I love so many things that would be impossible to notice if I remained focused trying to be someone beyond what I am.
I still struggle with these insecurities and likely will for years to come. Despite that, I hope that I can learn that I don’t have to impress anyone with anything. I know for a fact I will live a boring, unadventurous life, but I will grow to accept and love it wholly nonetheless. There is intrinsic value in the life I lead and the only person I have to convince of that is myself.