Debriefing with de Paula: Leaping through the years

PHOTO/ Keilana Pang

By Lucas de Paula
Editor-in-Chief

These are my unedited diary entries throughout highschool.

June 1, 2021 – I’m nervous for Rampage. All this work is making me nervous, but I know I’ll improve from it. I’m very uncertain about my future right now, but I have visions of great success. I’ve learned a lot about myself this quarantine. I take comfort in knowing I’ll read this in the future. I have to push, even when it’s scary.

June 10, 2022 – My sophomore year ended yesterday, so let’s catch up! It was so so so so good. I met so many amazing new friends, I can’t wait to make a TON next year. I want to be the coolest, nicest, BEST editor next year. 

December 31, 2022 – It’s bittersweet to know that I’m writing this in the final minutes of 2022. It feels like the first year I truly lived. I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in life and I’m not done yet. The next year will probably be my hardest year but it will be my most rewarding so far. Future Lucas: don’t be lazy. That’s the easy thing to do. You already know the success in your head, the ball is in your court. You know how badly I want to strive for the ideal version of myself.

January 6, 2023 – Now that half of my junior year has passed, I think to beyond. Senior year, my friends graduating, the end of the beginning. It’s hard to imagine that 2024 me on the Lucas timeline is living right now. There’s so much beauty in growing up.

May 4th, 2023 – I’ve been hit with waves of anxiety when I think about college. I got back my most recent math score and couldn’t breathe. I feel like a complete failure. I have a massive 1-hour cry session about growing up. I am simultaneously all over the place and tied up. I don’t want to be like this.

December 29, 2023 – I’ve been itching to buzz and bleach, but I don’t know if it’ll look good. Does it matter? It symbolizes freedom, a blank slate. I’ll get it off my mind and start anew. I have hope for 2024. 

February 1, 2024 – For the first time in my entire life, I see the finish line. The anxiety from waiting for college acceptances kills me internally. Did I try my best? Is my future okay? I keep busy though; catching up with friends, digging through childhood photos, writing stories in my head. I love so deeply what I know I’ll lose.