By Jisele Garcia,
Graduating Co-Editor-in-Chief
Entering high school, social anxiety dictated my experiences since I was so focused on what people thought of me. I was terrified of risks no matter how minor they were, I strived to adopt a new mindset for my high school career because the constant anxiety exhausted me.
Freshman Jisele kept to herself, she was a quiet, independent worker who only talked when someone else initiated the conversation. She resided in a small group of childhood friends she rarely strayed from. She often criticized herself for not being able to hold long, awkward- free conversations due to her reserved personality.
As a seasoned introvert, my mind wasn’t comfortable being the center of attention, interacting in large groups or socializing with new people, though I desired those moments. I didn’t like this aspect of myself and was thoroughly insecure about it; I began to worry about my social presentation to others, wondering if they liked me or not.
My mentality was poor, I desired to adjust this thinking. I was given an opportunity by my ninth-grade English teacher, who sent a recommendation for me to join Rampage. This organization required collaboration and outreach which truly terrified me, but I knew it’d be essential to my personal growth. Not to sound like an ad, but joining Rampage was one of the best decisions I ever made because my confidence in my social and academic skills grew heartily to the point where I became less insecure about my personality.
What followed were more groups that challenged my social anxiety like forming TCHS’s Queer Straight Alliance club and joining Planned Parenthood’s Peer Advocates. I learned to appreciate dissimilar personalities which enriched my social being fully, and their diversity encouraged me to share my thoughts that I had previously thought were unimportant to the conversation.
However, I wasn’t magically cured overnight. I spent many weeks, months and years trying to understand why I had become overwhelmingly insecure and anxious—I’m still learning. I endured several nights where I had an anxious belly and insomnia dreading the next day when group interactions with people outside my main group were guaranteed.
Despite my inner turmoil trying to overcome my anxiety, I learned that patience and self-awareness are necessary for growth.
I’m practicing mindfulness for myself. While I am working on my anxiety, I’ve
learned to accept being reserved as an aspect of my personality. I’m not striving to change myself to achieve social acceptance, but I am learning approval for myself so I’m able to function in society without insecurities flooding my mind.
It may not be easy, but regardless of the new venture you’ll learn more about your desires; what you like or don’t like. I encourage risk-taking and striving for self-improvement because you deserve happiness within your mind and self.