ILLUSTRATION/ Lexi Wang,
PHOTOS/ Audrey Yoshimura
By Audrey Yoshimura,
Graduating Feature Editor
If I could sit down with my freshman self, what would I say? Would she still recognize me despite how the pattern of my curls have changed or that I no longer have metal wires in my mouth? Would she be proud of me for surviving the terrors of high school? Most importantly, would she be proud of the woman I’ve become?
I like to think so. I like to think she’d marvel at how much I’ve changed while the core parts of me remain recognizable and familiar, like my secret love for “Star Wars” and all things dorky about me. I can’t say I have much wisdom to pass onto her, but I do have a treasure trove of memories ready for her to experience and enjoy.
Naturally, I’d want to shield her from the bad memories that drove me crying into my mother’s shoulder. It would be tempting to sit down and give her a detailed checklist of my deepest regrets. At the same time, I wouldn’t spoil the surprise, given these misfortunes are responsible for the woman I have become.
Laughter tied in with the tears, the mountains of stress, facial acne, the awkward phases, cramming, classmates that made early mornings bearable, the awful stoichiometry (No disrespect to Mr. Salazar you were an amazing teacher, but I just did not understand chemistry), the heartbreak, priceless friendships, the suffocating pressure of college, the whole high school experience. Other than the bad hair choices of cutting my own hair, I don’t regret anything. I would give my 15-year-old self a hug and reassure her that the painfully long road ahead of her is worth it in more than a million ways. I am proud of the woman I’ve become. I’m proud of my achievements in basketball with amazing teammates and coaches.
I am proud of experimenting with journalism and joining Rampage as a staff writer, later becoming the Feature editor. I’m proud to say I’m graduating high school holding hands with friends from my childhood. I’m proud of the kindness, understanding and compassion I’ve shown others and especially myself. I’m proud of finally embracing the most authentic version of myself that I used to pick apart and criticize. I am so proud.
These victories among failures are the things I will carry with me after high school into college. I look forward to fondly reminiscing on how things used to be and sharing funny stories from my adolescence with future friends in college. Truthfully, I will admit I am anxious about college. In spite of my fears and doubts, I just need to remind myself that this end is only the beginning. Change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In retrospect, I don’t think my younger self minds the adjustments I’ve made along the way and I can’t wait to tell her all about the change that is to come in the near future.